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When I realized what I was doing!.....

You start adoring someone, it could be your first day in college, office or anywhere else in this diminutive world. There is a very fine line between loving or adoring someone. Generally, we draw a conclusion that if we love him/her unconditionally then he/she should also understand that. How could someone be so egotistic that he/she is only thinking about him/herself and not about the other person?

At one point of time in my life, I went through the same phase. I started liking one girl who was certainly not very much interested in me, but I expressed my selfishness to literally force her to say yes to me. Now there are many cases to explain this, one could be the case that she was my good friend so she thought to give it a chance at least. Second could be that she was going through a difficult time with her boyfriend and she needed someone who could take care of her, not for the time pass but to really make her feel good. I guess I took advantage of that to let her say yes. Really, how selfish it could be?

That relationship survived for three years with lots of ups and downs but ended eventually because of very stupid reasons. Let's not get into the details of how it ended and why, but discuss the real theory which goes behind that.

Frankly speaking, I loved that girl a lot. Whatever she says or will say, there is no doubt that I liked her very much. She still loves to talk to me. Even, we occasionally see each other when I go to Delhi. Then why my relationship didn't last?

I guess I suffocated everything. I over reacted with my emotions, I let her play with my weaknesses, and I asked her literally to let me depend on her emotionally. My priority list always started from her. Moreover,  my life events followed a priority order where she was always at first place followed by other things. I'm not saying that she took an advantage of that, but she never really asked for that also. It had been me only all the time who let her make those levels where I was ready to do everything for her.

But it was not at all intentional, I was really in love with her. I never deleted even a single picture of her, I still have her bangle she forgot in my bag in 2012, and I still have a backup of all the chats we did on our mobile phones. It was unthinkable to even delete her single message because I used to read them when she was busy with some other work. The wrapper of the first chocolate I gifted her, the first time when I proposed her and she rejected, empty bottles of perfumes she gifted me; I have everything with me. Why I still keep those things & moments? Because I really loved her. I know I forced her in an adaptive conscious to be open to any new idea of loving me because  I was always obsessed with the idea of only loving her and I felt proud that I loved her beyond boundaries. I think this led to an end of my story.

But why I'm writing all this? I know because today one girl is in love with me and I feel her state when she says that she loves to read my messages when I'm busy. That moment makes me feel bad because I totally understand her situation and is not able to say anything, but

" Don't love me this much, you'll feel bad when you won't get this much in return". 

This is a harsh reality of life. As quoted by Audrey Niffenegger (The Time traveler's Wife): 

" It's hard being left behind. It's hard to be the one who stays."

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