Skip to main content

When I realized what I was doing!.....

You start adoring someone, it could be your first day in college, office or anywhere else in this diminutive world. There is a very fine line between loving or adoring someone. Generally, we draw a conclusion that if we love him/her unconditionally then he/she should also understand that. How could someone be so egotistic that he/she is only thinking about him/herself and not about the other person?

At one point of time in my life, I went through the same phase. I started liking one girl who was certainly not very much interested in me, but I expressed my selfishness to literally force her to say yes to me. Now there are many cases to explain this, one could be the case that she was my good friend so she thought to give it a chance at least. Second could be that she was going through a difficult time with her boyfriend and she needed someone who could take care of her, not for the time pass but to really make her feel good. I guess I took advantage of that to let her say yes. Really, how selfish it could be?

That relationship survived for three years with lots of ups and downs but ended eventually because of very stupid reasons. Let's not get into the details of how it ended and why, but discuss the real theory which goes behind that.

Frankly speaking, I loved that girl a lot. Whatever she says or will say, there is no doubt that I liked her very much. She still loves to talk to me. Even, we occasionally see each other when I go to Delhi. Then why my relationship didn't last?

I guess I suffocated everything. I over reacted with my emotions, I let her play with my weaknesses, and I asked her literally to let me depend on her emotionally. My priority list always started from her. Moreover,  my life events followed a priority order where she was always at first place followed by other things. I'm not saying that she took an advantage of that, but she never really asked for that also. It had been me only all the time who let her make those levels where I was ready to do everything for her.

But it was not at all intentional, I was really in love with her. I never deleted even a single picture of her, I still have her bangle she forgot in my bag in 2012, and I still have a backup of all the chats we did on our mobile phones. It was unthinkable to even delete her single message because I used to read them when she was busy with some other work. The wrapper of the first chocolate I gifted her, the first time when I proposed her and she rejected, empty bottles of perfumes she gifted me; I have everything with me. Why I still keep those things & moments? Because I really loved her. I know I forced her in an adaptive conscious to be open to any new idea of loving me because  I was always obsessed with the idea of only loving her and I felt proud that I loved her beyond boundaries. I think this led to an end of my story.

But why I'm writing all this? I know because today one girl is in love with me and I feel her state when she says that she loves to read my messages when I'm busy. That moment makes me feel bad because I totally understand her situation and is not able to say anything, but

" Don't love me this much, you'll feel bad when you won't get this much in return". 

This is a harsh reality of life. As quoted by Audrey Niffenegger (The Time traveler's Wife): 

" It's hard being left behind. It's hard to be the one who stays."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Good parenting & development of cognitive skills in teenagers

These days the real communication between parents and teens has been lost due to technological advancements which are increasing the gap between generations exponentially. The impact of such things can be seen in children at their early development stages. Slow personality development, negative attitude, stressed atmosphere, poor cognitive skills, and hence bad overall confidence to face the world. Parenting is one of the biggest contributors in engaging all the personality and growth related elements of teens these days. Moreover, only parents could comprehend the requirements of teens and give required time for them to discuss their daily challenges, accomplishment, and learning so that it can help teens improve their conversational and relational abilities. Improvement of cognitive skills depends hugely on an interaction of parents with children regularly. Games, pattern building exercises, to infuse curiosity and creativity through experience, and interest building learni...
Post a Comment
Read more

Dance to Love: Part 5

GOOD-BYE! Sahaj was from a bourgeois family. His father was a technician in a private firm and an alcoholic. He was never like that, but money and responsibility put him into such condition and made him totally irresponsible against the family, he once loved the most. From the meager income he earned daily, major portion was for his daily enjoyment. He was always ignorant to Sahaj and his younger brother. His mother was very hard working and she always handled the intricacies of life with all the big heart. Sahaj was very close to her mother. Because of the conditions at home, he was very responsible, caring and hard working. Sahaj studied very hard for two years to get into the engineering college. And he was very happy with all the proud moments he had brought to her mother after he got the admission. His job was another happy moment for his family and his mother was very proud.             Akuti was from a very good earning family ...
Post a Comment
Read more

I respect my identity!

"Hey! I guess, sometimes you find it hard to understand things because you wear big cloth on your head and things don't reach your mind because of that cloth ..... " she said and started laughing. She was not anyone else but a senior professor of my college with a good number of degrees and even she has written one book.  In short, she made fun of my look, my identity, my uniqueness and my faith in a set of principles I follow. I don't want to bring any religion into this conversation because for me religion is about controlling one's hatred and accepting others in their true forms. I haven't learnt religion to pray to God aloud in speakers at 4 AM in the morning so that everyone in the colony must know what I'm doing or to hurt people in the name of God. I have learnt religion to control my inner self and anger so that my actions are not driven by my perception but better by my observations. I look different, people stare at me when I ente...
2 comments
Read more